A man was dying of thirst in the desert, as he went over a hill down below he saw what he could clearly identify as a Mitsubishi Lancer, as he got closer, it slowly dawned on him, that it wasn't a Mitsubishi Lancer at all, it was just a Mirage. What do you call a Freemasonic photographer? Grand Master Flash
What do you call a Swedish Hockey player that plays for a Canadian hockey team? An Artificial Swedener. "Hey have they got weed in India man?"-"of course they do bro! Why do you think their biggest river is called the Ganges?"
What do you call an undead creature that steals things? Rob Zombie
What do you call a lake named after a capsizing canoe? Wakatipu
What do you call an employee who used to work for Gerald Celente? An Excelente Employee
How do you make doobies larger? With a Jay Weidner.
Why did the government run schools get shut down? Because they didn't have any principles.
How do you know if the chef has fleas? He'll make the meal from scratch
What kind of music do baby fur seals listen to? Club Beats
What do you call it when an Israeli says hello to you and you know they don't really mean it? A False Shalom
Why are poor people like bakers? Because they both need dough.
Apparently Suzanne Paul's product sales have dropped sharply in the Fukushima district, She was quoted as saying "They have their own natural glow now, it's really bad for my business"
What do you call it when you've got a milk mustache from a cup of hot cocoa? A Cocoa Mo
Who does the US Navy get to build it's submarines? Sub-contractors
What do you call a corrupt spanish financier? Bastardloaner
What do you call a lemur with a blood blister on its arm? A leemurtoma
What do you call someone who gets aggressive when they take Ayahausca? Ayahausca the grouch.
What do they make wine with in Iraqi Prisons? Abu Grapes
What's the difference between Regular Poison and 1080 Poison? The Picture Quality.
What do you call a voice training program that teaches you to speak with a Jamaican accent? The Mon talk Project
What do you call and Indian Cannabis Activist? Mahatmore Ganga
What do you call a gust of wind blowing through Westminster Abbey? Abbey Gale What do you call a girl from the city named Abigail? Downtown Abbey
What do you call a piece of art that is in fact of cultural significance? A cultural art in fact
What kind of dolls do the illuminati give their kids? Saturn Dolls
How do you get joints to be trumpet shaped? with a Jay Widener
What kind of phone can you stab someone with? An Knifephone
What do you call a French woman who tries to weasel her way out of things? MaamWeaselle
Where does the best German bacon come from? The Rindland
Most people carry Gas in their Gas Tanks, but have you noticed how few carry gloves in their glove box?
What kind of healing Practice involves lots of leaves? Reiki And what's it called when they practice it near a body of water? Reiki Lake
Why do Arabs throw shoes at their enemies? To show them de feet
What do you call people who are prepping for a Nuclear winter? Chilly Preppers
How do you get a fish to kiss you? With baited breath
What's the difference between the white house and occupy wall street? At the white house an agent gives you the grand tour, at Occupy wall street you get an agent provocateur.
A cell phone company is making a new model just for cricket fans, it's called the Nokia-46
What do you call a Walrus that's really cold? Shivelrus
What do you call the time machine made by the Canadian Government? Quebec to the future
What do you call a Maori secret agent? Co-intel Bro
Where do you send a Maori terrorist? Guantanabro bay
How does the Chinese government spy on people in restaurants? With the Peeking Duck.
Why did the customer get bored with his bank? Because they couldn't hold his interest.
There is an Aztec delicacy where real human testicles are served with rice, the meal is called human sackwithrice.
What do you call it when Police on Bicycles throw a flash bang grenade into your house and arrest you? A boom and bust cycle.
What kind of dick refuses to pay off his debt? Icelandick
What do the Feminazi's call their parliament building? The Dikestag
What metal do you make a sword with if you want to make sure it can't hurt people? Painless Steel
Why don't Kangaroos have to scab rollies? Because they already have their own pouches.
What does Dr. Suess take for pain? The Loraxapam
New World Order Banksters, putting the usury into treasury since 1913
Productivity. A mixture between Products and naivety
What do you call a Canadian terrorist group? Elk Hider
Ever noticed how it's foreign Oil companies that always
go into other countries to do fracking? Why don't they go frack
What do you call an internet company that is sympathetic towards SOPA? SOPAthetic
How can the average person know 9/11 was an inside job? Go to your barbeque and turn it on, wait 60 minutes. 2 questions, did the grill melt? NO. Did the Barbeque EXPLODE INTO ATOMIZED DUST? NO. Ergo 9/11 was an inside job.
The Vinny Eastwood Show, where the only thing worse than living in a high tech global police state run by child trafficking satanists, is Vinny's jokes...